Greetings dear readers and welcome back to Karo’s little corner. What are your feedbacks on the new version of my blog? From now on, I will start posting more instead of just one article a month. I am super happy and excited for this new season, and I hope you are too. Buckle up, because we know Karo doesn’t play😉!!!
As some of you already know, my family went through a very tough, tragic and faith-challenging situation last year. During this hard period, I took some time to think and reflect on some things, and that is also when I started writing this article. Although I will not talk about the situation here, I know a lot of people, specially those in Haïti, who have been through some difficult/similar situations in the past 3 years.
There are some things that you go through or see people go through that are impossible to explain. Loss of a loved ones, abduction, health issues… The feeling, the emotions, and everything that comes with it, you can only understand them if you’ve lived them. When someone close to you is going through a tough time, it becomes natural of you to want to help them. Some of us do it by offering advices, others by just being present. However, you may be doing it with good intentions in mind, but you have to accept the fact that the words you use, or the method you use may be received differently.
If someone you care about is going through a rough patch, here are some things you can do/avoid doing. Keep in mind that it may be different from one person to another.
1- Send at least one text every other day. When a person is going through a hard time, they want to feel like they are cared for. Don’t let them go through it alone. Some people told me they didn’t text me because they “didn’t know what to say”. Being alone leaves space for desperation and sadness. Some people do wish to be left alone, but a simple text just to let them know you’re thinking of them will make a difference. Don’t be too long, say exactly what’s necessary.
2- Do not constantly ask for updates. Whether it’s someone who is at the hospital or who has disappeared, don’t be the one to ask for updates. Wait for them to tell you, because most of the times, there is none. By constantly asking you’re adding more stress to the situation and therefore trigger panic attacks, high level of blood pressure etc…
3- Do not ask them how they’re doing. Don’t get me wrong, by being there for the person obviously you will want to know how they’re doing. That’s the whole point right? In some cases, it may be annoying. Imagine someone asking you if you’re doing good while mourning. Asking isn’t the issue, it’s how you ask. I would recommend saying things like “How are you holding up ?” “I hope you’re feeling well today”
4- Save the unsolicited advice. Unless the person asked you, don’t give them advice on how they should handle their feelings during this period. I don’t think anything is more annoying than a person telling you what you should do when they really don’t know how you are feeling. Instead of dumping all your advice, ask instead how you could help or assist them.
“Unsolicited advice gives me zero value and actually makes me feel worse about my situation because now I have to deal with people acting like I’m too inept to make decisions about how to live my life.”
Felicia Sullivan
5- Offer an ear. Disclaimer : not everyone likes to talk about their problems but if you feel like the person is trying to vent, let them. Be there, listen.. sometimes that is all we need, just an ear to listen. No comment is needed.
6- Resist the urge to share a version of a similar situation. Please don’t do that! Not everyone would want to know what your friend did when they were facing a similar situation. How do you expect the story to make the person feel honestly?
7- Don’t tell them things like “I know how you feel”. Do you actually know how they feel? You can imagine but you will never know. Be mindful of the words you use. No matter how bad you are feeling for them, no matter the amount of empathy you have, there’s no way you could “know” how a person is feeling. We all have different reactions/emotions towards a particular situation. Our emotions are uniquely ours. Therefore, avoid saying that out of all things.
Being a supportive friend is not easy, we all struggle. There is not a rule book on how to help a friend in need, but with time and experiences we can identify the dos and dont’s. We can learn how to provide effective support during difficult times. I hope my article helped you and will now serve as a guide for the next time you wanna help someone who is struggling.
That’s all I have for today guys. I hope you enjoyed reading this and learned some things. Don’t forget to share it with a friend and stay tuned for the next article. Until we meet again, stay safe and be blessed… always!