Hello everyone. Before I start, I want to take the time to thank each and every one of you who have visited my blog and read my last post. If you haven’t, you can still scroll down and find the last one👇🏾😊. A special thanks to my friends who have supported me and helped me correct my mistakes. I couldn’t ask for better friends🤗❤. Therefore, this is why today, I’ll be talking about “friendships”.
“Making friends is easy, staying friends is the challenge! ” .- Unknown
In my 20+ years I have always wondered what it meant to be a “good” friend. I’m a very open person and I have this altruistic character, which means I’m always concerned about the well being of others. But somehow along the way, I have lost a lot of friends. Some may say that friends come and go, that’s how life goes and you need to move on but it’s not as easy as it sounds. Some of these separations hurt like a heartbreak. That’s why I took a little time to analyze what went wrong and to learn from it.
These are the things that I have noted (Not all of them come from my experience)
First of all when it comes to friendships/relationships or life in general, it is very important to know that not everyone is the same and you have to treat each person differently.
1. COMMUNICATE📞. Guys, to me, communication is an important factor , whether it’s in your friendship, in your family, at work etc…. You and your friend need to practice communication skills. You have to know that your friend is not a real life Sherlock Holmes lol . Some people are easy to read but some others aren’t. They’re like a mystery. I won’t know when you’re mad or disappointed if you don’t tell me. In the past, when a friend would do something to me that I didn’t like, I’d just get mad and not say anything until they figure out what they did wrong🤷🏽♀️ and that was really unhealthy for the friendship.
2. RESPECT✨. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. Sometimes we usually think that because we’re friends with someone, we are allowed to do or say anything. What could possibly be a joke to you might not be amusing to me . No one is “obliged ” to accept anything you say because they’re your friend. You can say what you want as long as you stay respectful to one another. Even in conversations, simple mutual respect and empathy should be prioritized. Nowadays, I see a lot of y’all bullying your friends and think it’s just a joke. Maybe I am a little bit sensitive but in psychology I’ve learned this : “ Il n’y a pas de blague qui soit innocente ” which translates to “No joke is ever entirely innocent “. Personally, my close friends and I talk like we actually can’t stand each other but with respect (if that makes sense🤣)
3. SUPPORT (part 1) 🤝🏾❤We all need support in life whether it’s emotionally or physically. Always keep track of your friend’s feelings. What I mean is that your friend’s reaction or attitude mostly depend on their feelings. It is important to know their state of mind and what you can do in order to support them. When you notice a change, ask what’s going on. Personally, I think it’s a sign of affection when someone notices my mood swing and ask me if I wanna talk about it. But at the same time it’s important to understand that not everyone likes to talk about their feelings. For example, I’ve experienced this with an old bestfriend (we gonna call him/her “X”). X didn’t like to express emotions and would refuse to talk about them. I couldn’t understand it nor accept it. I was feeling like X didn’t see me as a bestfriend or didn’t trust me and that was a “don’t”.
4. SUPPORT (part two)👬👭. Part one was about emotional support but this time, I’m talking about supporting your friend when they’re doing something productive with their life. What I figured is that even if you’re really proud of your friend, if you don’t show it or say it they might think that you’re not supporting them. For example, I had a little business, I asked my friends to support me, one bought at least 6, there were others who bought one just to support and the ones who couldn’t buy asked their friends to do so but at the same time a bunch of others really didn’t care. If your friend is singing, dancing, painting, launching a business, a blog or a YouTube channel etc…. support him/her. But at the same time you are allowed to give constructive criticism if their work is mediocre. Just be careful how you do it though.
5. LOVE❤. I strongly believe that my friends are God’s sent brothers and sisters from another mother. I really love my friends and would do anything for them. But loving them is nothing if you don’t make them feel loved. Spoil your friends😍. Throw them surprise parties😁🎇 take them out…. It’s the thought that counts. Randomly, I would text some of my closest friends from time to time just to say how happy I am to have them in my life. It can literally change someone’s day in a few seconds.
6. LOYALTY 🤩. Welp, this is really an important point. Loyalty is a large concept; it comes with being honest, being real, keeping secrets etc…. Now take a little time to ask yourself if you’ve ever been really loyal to your friends. When it comes to friendships, loyalty is really important because it is what help us conquer anything as friends. Loyalty is what keeps friends together. Loyalty makes you appreciate your friend even more because you know you got someone that can defend you in public when you’re not even there. Also, loyalty is a choice, it comes willingly. You will be loyal when you see your friend as someone precious to you or just someone you love and would not abandon for anything. You can’t force someone to be loyal to you. Some people say that they should only be loyal to the ones who are loyal to them. But my question is how do you know when someone is loyal to you?🤔. Loyalty makes it hard to break a friendship.
7. PERSONAL SPACE🙌🏾. Always remember that your friend doesn’t “need” to tell you every single thing. I didn’t agree with this a few years ago because I’ve always wanted some of my friends to tell me what they’re up to, any type of bad or great news they’ve received, not because I was nosy but because I like to be there for anyone through thick and thin. Sharing your excitement or sadness comes with a form of consent and in any way should you be mad because you didn’t know about x or y…. Patience! You’ll know…. eventually. Learn how to let your friend be. Take a step back and give them space. Otherwise you’ll become clingy and overprotective. You’ll be then considered as someone toxic.
8. DON’T MAKE SOMEONE FEEL LEFT OUT. Although you need your personal space, it shouldn’t mean that you have to make someone feel left out. If you meet someone else you don’t need to push away the one that has always been there for you. “Pa janm jete chodyè ize pou chodyè nèf” which basically means that you should never push away someone that has been there for you since day one for someone you just met. Feeling left out is really painful😔. If you don’t know your self worth it can damage you really badly. As humans we have this desire to belong. Friendship should help us build ourselves not break us down. So if you think you’re making someone feel left out, change this now. Show that you care. A simple text to tell them you’re a bit busy that’s why you’re not there is more than enough.
9. LISTEN👀👂🏾.Try to be a good listener. I said try because not everyone can be a good listener and it’s not even because they don’t want to. Listening is a great thing because it can improve your friendship. It will help you understand each other more . Sometimes a talk is only what’s needed. We just want to vent for a few minutes and we just need someone to be there, to listen and to understand us. A lot of us are dealing with depression and by talking to someone close to us we feel free. It’s like we had a weight on our shoulder and just want someone to help us put it down. Be the shoulders for your friend to cry on!
10. APOLOGY. I don’t know why I took so long to talk about this one. It’s important to learn how to apologize. Some of us are just fueled with ego and it pushes away people. Your ego makes you think that you’re flawless but nobody is perfect. From experience I know that not being able to apologize is one of the worst things that can happen in a friendship. I don’t personally have this problem. Sometimes it’s not even my fault and I apologize just cause I don’t want to lose a friend. An old friend of mine would literally spend months without talking to me because saying sorry was too much and his/her ego was A1. “An apology is a lovely perfume, it can transform a moment into a precious gift”✨🎆 .- Unknown. The thing with apologies is that they have to be real, otherwise it will only worsen the situation.
11. LETTING GO. The hardest thing I had to learn throughout those failed friendships is that sometimes you have to let go no matter how hard it feels. The thing with letting go is not knowing if you should try harder or just give up. From what I’ve learned, we don’t let go because we want to but mostly because the other person doesn’t care anymore. Its ok to cut it off. Two years ago I had to let go of two friendships that meant the most to me. One of 5 years and another one of 9 years. Trust me it’s not easy. It hurts…..a lot. But you got to do what you got to do. If you feel unappreciated and there’s nothing that you can do, leave. If you feel like your friend is toxic, leave. If you feel like you are the toxic one, leave. If you can no longer count on them, leave. If you’ve been betrayed, leave. But always remember that just because you’re leaving doesn’t mean you have to hate the person. It just means that you’re taking a few steps back. Maybe eventually life would bring you guys back together and this time you’ll be a lot more mature to handle things. I’ll still be there for them whenever they need me but the friendship is no longer possible.
Overall, friendship is really great when both parties work for it. I can say that friendship is about love, mutual respect, communication, kindness, understanding and loyalty. Without them your friendship is on the verge of destruction. Cherish your friends but make sure that the friendship isn’t one sided. Be nice to everyone you meet, you don’t know what the future could possibly bring. I really wish I had learned these tips sooner and I hope they can help you as much as they’ve helped me grow into a more mature person. See you soon guys. Be blessed!! xoxo.
Ps : let me know which subject you guys want me to talk about next time.