Greetings everyone and welcome back to my blog. It’s been a rough couple of weeks for me but I’m back today with another article for you. My brother called me a while ago to complain about the fact that I haven’t published in a month and it warms my heart how much you guys appreciate what I write. Without further ado, let’s get to it
Today’s topic is a subject I care about and something I am battling against. I hope no one close to me will take it personal. I am sure all of you reading this article right now have faced exactly what I am going to talk about and I hope you know that you are important and that you matter, no matter what people tell you.
How many times have you heard someone say to you : “It’s not that bad”, “Stop complaining, someone else has it worse than you.” , “Ah come on you’re overreacting.”, “You’re too sensitive”, “Just let go”…. a bunch of common phrases that people use to dismiss your feelings and make you feel bad for having real emotions. It may not seem like it, but invalidating someone’s feeling using those sentences repeatedly, represents a form of emotional abuse called emotional invalidation.
Usually when we talk or hear about abuse, we often refer to the physical abuse that occurs in relationships. It’s more than that. Emotional abuse is the hardest one to recognize. It can happen in relationships, friendships, and often in the workplace. For this article I will only focus on emotional invalidation.
What’s emotional invalidation ?
I’m no psychologist but while gathering information for this post, I found the perfect definition: “Emotional invalidation is the act of dismissing or rejecting someone’s thoughts, feelings, or behaviors.” (Brittany Carrico,2021)
How can you recognize it?
Like I said in the second paragraph, we experience emotional invalidation when we feel like our feelings are being ignored, dismissed, or judged. Emotional invalidation can also come from within. Yes! Sometimes we invalidate our own emotions by thinking that we deserve whatever it is that we’re going through. Like any other forms of abuse, emotional invalidation directly affects our mental health. Our self esteem automatically takes a blow when we start questioning ourselves and wondering if we deserve the pain. We think we’re not important and that no one understands us. Emotional invalidation hurts; it makes us feel like we’re alone and all our emotions are simultaneously suffocating us.
How to overcome it?
1. Know your worth. Self love is the first step to overcome most problems. Understanding that you’re amazing and you matter will prevent others from hurting you. Self love is also about taking care of yourself physically and mentally. Focus on what makes you happy and stop blaming yourself for whatever happened to you.
2. Accept that it’s normal to have emotions . All humans are born with the ability to feel things. Emotions give meaning to our lives and help us communicate with one another. Emotions are bigger than us and we don’t get to choose how to feel them or when is the right time to feel some type of way, we just do. Accepting this reality will create a shield and protect us from emotional invalidation.
3. Take time off . To cope with my problems I usually isolate myself. I take some time off of social media and from my friends. I don’t text people, I take the time to do things I like, for example writing articles for my dear readers.
How to prevent it?
After reading the first part of my article, if you feel like you’ve invalidated someone’s feelings in the past, it’s okay. “The best way to learn from your mistakes is to admit them…”. Sometimes we don’t realize how much our words can hurt even if it’s involuntary. Now that you know, here’s what you can do next time:
1. Refrain from giving unsolicited advices. Everyone deals with their problems differently. What could’ve worked for you may not work for me. Ask the person what they wanna do about the situation instead of telling them what you think they should do right away. Nothing pisses me off more than when people say that I should just “let go” of whatever is troubling me. If it was that easy I would not be complaining about it. Stop trying to change their feelings but instead accept or at least try to understand them.
2. Offer an ear. As someone who grew up with a lot of family members close to her, I love to talk. All my friends know it, if I stay silent for a few minutes they’ll start asking what’s wrong. Whenever I get to the point where I feel like I’m suffocating, I always try to find someone to talk about it. We talk about our problems just because we need someone to listen. We probably already know what to do about them but we just need to vent. Listen to what the person has to say without barging in with advices they did not ask for.
3. Think before replying. When someone opens up to you about what they’re going through, you need to understand that they are being vulnerable. In other words the slightest thing can hurt them. They are already hurt from whatever they’re going through, invalidating their feelings will just hurt them even more. Listen to them, take a moment to process what they just told you instead of quickly telling them that “it’s not that serious”.
4. Be present. Don’t ignore someone who’s trying to talk about their feelings to you. If you think you are not fit to be a good listener, tell them. It will hurt less than leaving them on read. You might be tired of hearing the same thing over and over again but that person is also tired of whatever the situation he/she’s in.
At the end of the day if you’ve been a victim of emotional abuse or physical abuse , always remember that it’s never your fault. Everyone deserves love and respect. No one is allowed to tell you how you should react when you’ve been hurt. If you want to cry, do it! If you want to scream, let it all out! If you want to stay in bed all day long, grab your favorite blanket and lay down! As long as you know that whatever you’re feeling is temporary and you will feel better soon. No matter how painful it is now, you will eventually overcome it. To all my friends who are struggling with something they want to talk about, my DMs are always open 24/7. I love you all❤️
Thank you again for reading and sharing my articles, I will always find time to post no matter what I’m going through. I ask you to be patient and to feel free to send me suggestions for my next articles. Until we meet again stay safe everyone and be blessed…. always! Xoxo