Hi everyone and welcome back to my little corner. How is everyone feeling today? The last few weeks were really stressful and hard but I’m still alive and healthy so that’s good. Today I’ll talk about something I can imagine that not everyone knows. So, please enjoy this article!
As you all know already, most of my inspirations for the blog come from browsing the internet. A while ago, someone on Instagram reposted something from @ameliore_ta_vie. It was a question in French: “What is toxic positivity?”. Me, being completely oblivious of the term, I decided to click on the post. I read it, was enlightened, and immediately thought of you guys.
What is toxic positivity?
According to Samara Quintero and Jamie Long, Toxic positivity is the excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. 1
Kendra Cherry also defines toxic positivity as The belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. 2
To Zawn Villines, Toxic positivity is an obsession with positive thinking. It is the belief that people should put a positive spin on all experiences, even those that are profoundly tragic.3
So basically, toxic positivity is like suffocating yourself and others with exaggerated positive thoughts, while ignoring reality.
Toxic positivity is detrimental and we need to be careful to not let it take over us and consume us. It is important to be able to recognize the signs in order to change this behavior. There are a lot of signs of toxic positivity, that show up in our everyday life, but in my article, I’ll focus on the most common ones and the ones easier to recognize. Here are 5 signs of Toxic Positivity :
- Hiding your true feelings rather than facing them.
- Shaming others for expressing their true feelings or emotions.
- Saying “It is what it is”, “It’s life” to brush things off when you’ve been hurt.
- Feeling guilty for having feelings.
- Asserting after a catastrophe that “everything happens for a reason”
How many times have you found yourself saying things like “It’s ok” “It’s life” “It is what it is” “What can I do about it” “Good vibes only” “You’ll get over it”, when deep down you know that you are lying to yourself? In some ways it makes us feel better, but deep down it’s our mind telling us to stay silent about the way we feel, about our struggles.
To those of us living in Haïti, alongside with every other mental health issues, toxic positivity has really become an habit. In a sense, it’s how we cope with everything going on, by trying to be as positive as possible. But why? We are pretending to be happy and okay while everything around us is crumbling down. Having a generally positive outlook on life in general is a good thing, but it’s detrimental when one believes that they should always be positive and ignore serious matters, no matter what.
I remember back in High School, I was really sick, and not everyone knew what I was going through. One day I was talking to a friend and that person told me that I should be grateful that it wasn’t cancer. I was in a lot of pain physically and emotionally and that one sentence made everything worse.
Have you heard about the Duality of life? Duality tells us that everything in life is created from interaction between two opposite forces. So basically life is made of good and bad, the good doesn’t cancel the bad and vice versa, but they are complimentary. All this to say that, if you believe that everything should be rainbows and happy colors, then you are living in a fairytale and it will be difficult for others around you to connect with you. You are hurting yourself and you are also hurting those around you. How can you be honest with others when you can’t be with yourself?
It is okay to be scared, it’s okay to be sad. It is okay to believe that things will get better eventually. Accepting our reality doesn’t make us weak but it’s a step in the right direction.
After reading this, do you think you have, one way another, transmitted toxic positivity around you? If you think that you have, it’s time to cut it out. First, identify those toxically positive behaviors in yourself, then, find things that can help you change that and become a healthier positive thinker. Set healthy boundaries and start using non toxic acceptance and validation. Allow yourself to feel all types of emotions and practice genuine optimism.
Just remember, your feeling are always valid. Therefore, if you haven’t already , please click on the link below to check out my article on emotional validation.
Your feelings are valid
Here are some other examples of toxic positivity and what you can use instead, when talking to someone 4 :
That’s all I have for today. Thank you for reading and please don’t forget to share as usual. Until we meet again, stay safe and be blessed…. always! Love you guys!