Hello everyone and welcome back to my blog. May finally ended, and just like that, we’ve made it halfway through this year. Can you believe it? Are you satisfied with what you have accomplished so far? Whatever the answer to this question, I want you to know that you’re doing well, keep going❤️.
I just stumbled upon a post on Instagram about “Setting boundaries”, and now I wanna share some things with you guys. First of, let’s understand what setting boundaries mean.
What are boundaries?
“An invisible line that defines what behaviors are acceptable for an individual. Boundaries can be physical (e.g., do not touch me) or emotional (do not lie to me).”1
What does it mean to set boundaries?
“Setting boundaries is a form of self-care. It helps to create a clear guideline/rule/limits of how you would like to be treated. They let others know what is and what is not okay/acceptable. It honors our needs and wants, so that we feel respected and safe.” 2
Here are 6 different ways you can set your boundaries, while still being polite :
1. Define your limits and communicate them. To know when someone is crossing your boundaries, you need to have some. If you don’t know what triggers you, and what you consider as disrespect, how do you expect someone else to stay in their lane and not step over your toes? You need to define your limits, and be clear and VOCAL about what you don’t like and what consider as being bad or wrong. Don’t set boundaries in your mind, and expect others to assume where you draw the line.
A boundary is a limit or edge that defines you as separate from others. Katherine, 2010, p. 14
2. Never assume or guess someone else’s feelings. You cannot assume that people necessarily know when they are crossing the line. Some people do things to you because for them, it is normal. They do it to others and never felt like they are crossing the line. That’s why it is important to openly and clearly communicate your boundaries and avoid any misunderstanding.
3. Learn to say no. A lot of us struggle with this, me first. We often think that saying no is a sign of rudeness. It’s one of the common symptoms of “people pleasing”, but it can also simply be because we are afraid of conflicts. We put others’ feelings before ours, and it’s always us who end up being hurt in the end. Saying no is the most important step when it comes to setting boundaries. You need to say it, and be okay when someone else says it to you as well.
4. Be firm in your decision. Once you make a decision, you should not go back. No matter how bad we may feel afterwards, we need to keep in mind that it is for a good cause. By letting some things slide, we will create confusion but also encourage people to keep on overstepping. Be consistent, once you say no, there is no going back.
5. Be prepared for what’s coming next. When you set boundaries, you to be strong enough to accept that not everyone will like it. People will feel offended because they no longer have “free access” to you. You have rights, you are entitled to define what is right and what isn’t. You need to accept that your feelings matter before everyone else’s. As the saying goes : “You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm“. Anyone who can’t accept and respect your boundaries is not fit to stay in your life.
6. Don’t wait for the “right” time. When you feel disrespected, you need to act on the moment and speak up. Sometimes, we may not realize the power of someone’s words until we take time to think about it, it happens to me a lot. But, the minute you figure it out you need to talk. The more you wait, the more your words will not hold weight. Therefore, it is rather important to communicate as soon as possible when are boundaries are being crossed.
Lastly, we need to understand that different relationships require different set of boundaries, what may be accepted for one group of people may not be for another group. Always react with calmness and with respect, raising our voice is not what is going to make us be heard. Sometimes people need to learn how to treat you, give them a helping hand by setting your boundaries. Setting boundaries is not an easy task, it will take some time, so be patient and practice. In the end, it can only be beneficial to us.
That’s it for today guys. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Until we meet again, stay safe and be blessed… always!!