Greetings everyone and welcome back to my blog. I hope everyone is doing great and I hope March was kind and fruitful for you. Today’s article is not about tips for well being but more like an analysis. I hope you’ll enjoy it.
As you can tell from the title, this article is a rather sad piece. As a young woman in the 19-25 category, the past few years in Haïti have been nothing but constant struggles, fear, anxiety, and stress. When I first started this blog, one of my cousins suggested that I write an article about what it’s like to grow up in a society like ours that is in decrescendo. I thought about it but I never found the words. Today, I really feel like I can’t hold it anymore. This is my cry for help and the cry of a desperate youth.
I’m using my voice today to talk for a lot of us in my generation, specially the ones who, just like me, can’t imagine themselves living freely and happily in another country. After the 2010 earthquake, a lot of people were fortunate enough to leave the country and make a living elsewhere, and all throughout my high school years, I’ve seen a lot of my friends leave the country permanently. Some were happy to go, others were devastated to leave their family and friends behind. At the time, I couldn’t understand why their parents were rushing to get them out of the country but as the years go by, I think all of them should thank their parents every day.
I often witness a lot of debates on social media about what it’s like to live in this country. Sometimes the debates get heated because regularly, Haitians living in the diaspora want to give their two cents on the matter and those in Haïti won’t have it. To be honest, to really understand everything we’re feeling, all those mixed emotions that we’re experiencing, you have to really experience life in this country.
There was a time where I used to think that my generation had it worse but then I hear my brothers and cousins (80s-early 90s babies) talk about everything they’ve been through and I just humble myself ; coup , embargo, coup again, hunger strike, earthquakes, multiple hurricanes, multiple episodes of lockdown, president’s murder and the list goes on… Songs about the country’s situation that have been released in the 90s and early 00s are still extremely relevant today. It only means that we have made no progress; we did nothing to be better and by we, I do include myself. Sometimes I wonder what exactly did we ever do to be so cursed.
Look around you, a lot of us are struggling with mental issues. Sadly, mental health is not something they talk or care about in our culture. A lot of influencers/comedians are making videos about how Haitian parents react when you tell them you’re depressed “Alez ou twò alèz, byen wi ou twò byen” which basically means that you’re too fortunate, that’s why you are depressed. Sadly it’s the reality. You’d need to find a treasure to be able to afford psychology and counseling services in Haiti. So, we’re not okay and there’s nothing we can do about it. Personally, nowadays I’m often irritated and I get angry. Everyone irritates me and I feel like snapping at them for the most insignificant things. Seems like nobody really understands what’s going on. We have so much emotions built up inside of us, mostly anger and desperation, that sometimes all it takes is just a little nudge to explose on someone. It’s not personal!
Everyone deals with their mental issues differently. All of us are stressed and I mean ALL OF US, teenagers, young people, adults, and even the seniors. The political climate really has taken a toll on us whether we want to admit it or not. One day, one of my uncles told me : “I’m getting old and to be honest I hope to die soon. This country is killing me and I no longer have hope to see better days.” It’s heartbreaking to hear but he couldn’t have said it any better.
Every time we try to think about the future, all we can see is a black hole. Some of us are trying to stay hopeful and talk about our plans for the future but deep down we’re asking ourselves “what future?”. Because clearly, we can’t imagine one. It’s difficult to stay hopeful when every time you think things are going to get better, they actually become 100x worse.
I remember when I first got to college, one day during a lecture, one of my professors looked around and saw that the classroom was packed. There was at least 60 students present and he said : “it’s nice that so many of y’all decided to go to college but guess what? There’s not enough job for all of you.” I was really mad when he said that because I felt like he was just crushing our dreams and no matter how difficult it was to accept what he said, he was indeed right. So many of us have a diploma but there’s no opportunity for us. They tell you that you need job experience(3-5 years minimum) so they can hire you but how will we get the experience when no one is willing to give us a chance?
Back in kindergarten/middle school they’d ask what do we want to be when we grow up, all of us knew what we wanted. Some actually achieved that dream, others, like me, went on a different road. We all wanted an amazing career, to have a good job, a beautiful house and a big car, get married, have kids etc. As the days go by, we’re now asking ourselves if one day we’ll have at least half of the thing’s we’d wished for, and if we do, if we’ll ever be able to enjoy it.
When I was in high school, my friends would go out all the time. “Carnaval des enfants” was a thing. That’s where everyone would meet everyone. I never got to go. My friends’ birthday parties, never participated either. I couldn’t wait to grow up and be able to go out with my friends, have fun and experience new things. Now that I’m old and mature enough, finished school, did everything my parents wanted me to do, I’m stuck in my house because it’s no longer safe to go out. Imagine!!!
Before writing this article I asked this question : “As a young person living in Haïti what frustrates you the most?”. I’ll share below some of the answers I got:
– It’s Friday night and I’m forced to stay in my bed.
– I feel like I’m vegetating and it’s only the beginning of something worse to come.
– Not finding a decent job according to my studies.
– The growing insecurity and the unsanitary condition of the streets.
– As a medical student I believe we could do so much more if only they gave us the tools that we need, but no one is looking out for us.
– My mom is enjoying the situation. She uses it as an excuse to forbid me to go out. I feel like I’m getting old without accomplishing anything.
– I hate not being able to go to the other cities outside of PauP.
– What I wanna do is not even under my control anymore.
– As a young person I feel like I’m behind on so many levels.
I’m tired of receiving news of death. Young people are dying at a rate that we’ve never seen before. Most of them had a sudden death, no history of medical issues. I’m no doctor but I really do think that the level of stress and anxiety we’re experiencing in Haïti can get so high that the heart just decides to let go. My heart is aching, my head is exploding. I’m tired! We are tired!
Maybe I’m not the right person to talk about struggles because there are people out there who had it worse than me but at least I have a platform where I can try to express their feelings for them. As a young person living abroad please stop telling us to rush out of the country because even we want to, in reality we can’t all leave. As a parent, if you’re reading this please take the time to talk to your children and try to understand where they’re coming from. Don’t dismiss their feelings, be compassionate because honestly you have no idea what they’re going through. A lot of y’all had the chance to experience the days where you could sleep in your house in downtown Port au Prince with your front door unlocked. So next time you see or hear one of us complaining about how desperate they feel, offer them an ear because nothing else can change how we feel.
That’s all for today. I have so much more to say but I feel like I said exactly what’s needed to be heard. Thank you for reading my blog and until we meet again, stay safe and be blessed.